there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
