i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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