You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
