I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
