I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
