I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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