If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
