Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
