I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
