I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My vagina just recognized that song.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
