I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
