You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
