Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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