i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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