i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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