hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
