absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
