Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
