Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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