I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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