My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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