Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
