***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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