nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
