You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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