Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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