if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize