So drunk, too bad you don't want this
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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