Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
