I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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