I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
