Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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