awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
