I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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