I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
