billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
