I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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