Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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