Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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