If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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