So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
