Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize