i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
