Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
