i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
