I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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