One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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