woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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