no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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