I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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