Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
