I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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