so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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