that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
