At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize