So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
