so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
