I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
