He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think my moral compass just broke
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