One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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