The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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