Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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