someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
