If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
