Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
