Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize