we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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