It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
