Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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