this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
His nipple licking is glorious
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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