If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
