I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My hand turned me down
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my poor anus
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