Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
