i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
