lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
