Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
someone owes me an orgasm
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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