well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
