The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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