We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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