i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and she was petting her beer can
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
