I think I just saw someone hide a body.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
