i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
