Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
