I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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