I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Text me some of your sweat
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
