ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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