It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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