I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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