Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
